I would be remiss if I posted this story without acknowledging that it was influenced, guided by, inflicted on, and/or borrowed from the following: Cinnamon.
Sabine, Shana, Christine, k., and Ellen.
The Mango, the Bordello, Amanda Leske and her parents, the Saratoga Sheraton, Ani DiFranco, Billy Joel, Radiohead, Richard Thompson, Sandy Denny, R.E.M, Counting Crows, Kate Bush, Lou Reed, Fountains of Wayne, Google.com, Salon.com, the Drudge report, Carina Chocano, Neil Gaiman, Bill Gibson, Dave Eggers, AT&T, Victor Garber and the fake cast of "Hail To The Chief," the real cast of TWW, the Golden Girls, the University of Manchester, opensecrets.org, gutenberg.net, joshlyman.com, jedbartlet.com, IMDB.com, Lichtenberg, the Exorcist, the Book of Job, Chris "Jeff" Hardwick and Puck. Oh, and three guys you've heard of: Aaron Sorkin, Thomas Schlamme, and John Wells.